Skip this one I'm guilt-blogging.

My brother just came down to my office where I was studying for tomorrow's Ricks test, to give back a black VisaVis pen and one of those big green highlighters Dad gets for free at the office. He asked me if these were the ones he borrowed (to sign Megan's yearbook) even though he asked me for markers before and I couldn't find any except Mr. Sketch and he said he would just come back if he needed them and I guess he did come back later because those pens looked like they belonged in the office but I wasn't sure because I wasn't there when he took them and he said they might have just been lying around on his desk.

So this entire time (my hair's down) I'm bent over my science crossword even though its optional but I wanted to study well and I just said "mm" to everything he did. And only now do I realize that he must've been trying to strike up conversation and I was just ignoring him. And then he says, "Alright. Good luck on your Ricks test. ["mm"] Good night. Even though I'll still be awake." And I give him a last "mm" and I never even looked up once this entire time and I hear him go upstairs and say good night to my parents and now I feel really horrible and I'm crying and I still have to study and do history and write an English essay. But I really love my brother and he's going back to college tomorrow morning while I'm at school and I don't know if I'll have time to say goodbye but I really love him even though we never talked much because of our big age gap. And after he left, I spent a couple of minutes more on my crossword but then the guilt was getting exponentially larger and I didn't realize from what at first and then I finally figure out what this whole Anthony-coming-down-randomly-to-visit thing was all about. Oh and, right before he left, when he was halfway through the hallway, he comes back to the doorway and says, "Oh and sorry if I surprised you." And I say "mm" and I'm still bent over and then he walks away.